A Recovering Control Freak

I have a confession to make. Here it goes, my name is Latoya and I am control freak. This is where is you say, "Hi, Latoya". Lately I have been coming to terms with this aspect of my character. Its the part of me I have convinced myself for years is the force that keeps this ship afloat. Its the part of me that makes me such a great fixer (kind of like Chubbs the fixer... shameless Drake lyric). Its the part of me that have brought undeniable comfort for as long as I can remember. So you can imagine how difficult it must then be, to currently be in situation where you feel like you have no control whatsoever. 

As uncomfortable as I feel at the moment, there is a deep state of expectancy at the core of my being. it's like I have been thrown into the deep end of the pool but the rush of adrenaline overshadows all fear mainly because you know your father, who can swim is near and will jump in to save you in the event you are not able thread water. If I allow myself to be introspective, it is clear that this isn't the first time that I have found myself in this situation and every single time before I have come out of the deep end a better swimmer.

Since returning from Greece, my spirit man has yearned for 'just for so' walks and on Thursday I finally gave in to this desire and I was not disappointment at all by the outcome. Today I have learned that I can either be hostage to the illusion that I have supreme control over everything that happens to me or I can walk in the beautiful freedom given to me by choosing to recognise that my life is in the hands of One that I can wholeheartedly trust. I am choosing door #2, what about you?

Photo by Chris Lawton on Unsplash