To My Dad

Let me write down my life and then maybe you can understand.

Let me write down my troubles and maybe then you can hold my hand.

There are nights I can’t remember because it was so bad.

Those nights I needed you to protect me I needed my dad.

But you weren’t there like a magician you did a disappearing act.

No one was there to save me when they laid me on my back.

My identity suffered an attempted robbery

While you were off serving yourself and trying to win big like the lottery.

I don’t think you will ever understand these tears.

My life is bombarded now with unnecessary fears.

I’m a child that seems to be trapped in the body of a woman,

Dying to live a life that has been but a dream for so long.

My soul tells me I am destined for greatness.

My mind says the complete opposite – I am marred and useless.

I fight what seems to me a never-ending battle

But for some reason I refuse to give up, I will not settle.

When I needed you the most you were nowhere to be found.

So I learned not to depend on a man – I learned the hard way to stand my own ground.

My future is distant but failure seems so near

I long to receive love actions that proclaim you actually care.

As I think about this I realize I don’t know your life;

All I know is that you are my father and my mother you made your wife.

I don’t know what causes you not to care

But I know I love you because I have a heavenly father that cares.

I refuse to hate you because your fate might have been my own.

However, I can’t shake this need for a man to call me his own.

As I write down my life I pray you understand.

I need you to be what God created you to be – My father – A man.