Expecting the Unexpected

These past few months have been extremely difficult, life changing, weird, and amazing all at the same time. We can all say we did our best to overcome, I truly believe that no one was just letting this season come and go, sitting and watching it. It would be very difficult to do such a thing because everyone was impacted in some way. For me this season, seasons… were more than what I expected.

In 2019, I left my job working as a Strategic Manager for an amazing medical organization. I had been feeling for a while that I was double dipping in my Christian life and work life. One moment at work I was ensuring everyone followed the rules and disciplining those that broke them as part of my job in the HR department. But then on the other hand, I was overlooking things said and done by management that were not correct, simply because they were higher up than me or on the same management as me, and if I did say something I could lose my job, or cause a rift in relationships.

I longed to do more and live right. I wanted to work with the youth and build up women but I didn’t have the platform to do that entirely where I was. Now don’t get me wrong, the work I was doing currently was amazing, I loved the staff and I loved being chosen to help mould them. It was an honour. But when I went to my room almost every night, I felt I did not accomplish much.

I have always been a person who loves to be busy. I love to work hard, push tasks until 10pm if I have too. And this job gave me that.

When my husband and I got married, I moved to his work/home place to work side by side with him in ministry. I did not realise that I would have the biggest definition of myself taken from me…a go getting, make things happen, workaholic who loves Jesus.

It was hard, there was no schedule for clocking in and out, there were meetings, but they were not regular, and we would get busy but that came very randomly.

I felt like I was lost…out of my element. I would ask my husband what the plan was for the day, and he would be like well today there is not much so we can go and visit the children and then come back. I was like …THAT’S IT!!! Where is the gruelling work, the push, the 30-minute lunch break that you never take? It was difficult. I had been in a world of work until you drop so much that I did not know how to relax or go with the flow. Worst of all…I did not even realise that for the many years I lived that way…I really was not learning my word, intentionally…or with joy. It was all done routinely.

Then the pandemic hit. Everything halted. The little (by my standards) work we were doing was now gone and I just could not cope.

And then Jesus used my isolation to stir things up in me. I tried doing baking to generate extra income, but because I was so far away, I barely had any customers. I tried making head scarfs, but because I could not get to town often enough to buy materials and so forth, I couldn’t make that work either. It started to feel like each week I had a new idea and each following week, that idea tanked.

Only then did I realised the common denominator of why all my ideas where not going to work right now. I was too far away. I was in isolation. I was in isolation even before the lockdown happened, but I was behaving like I was not.

God started to show me that I was being isolated for a reason. I had work to do, and his people to care for and minister to. And that is what I need to pay attention to. Not more work that takes me away from his work.

When I started to have random bible study time with God, he started to open doors to what his will was for me in this moment.

The first was his will for me to face my fears.

I have always wanted to be a blessing to others, whether it be financially or otherwise.

After the lockdown was lifted, we began to do small groups in the church. And I was chosen to be one of the people leading a small group. I was scared, I protested all I could, I even nominated others whom I felt would be better at it than I.

But God wanted me to get overcome my fears and lead a group of rural women, teaching truth and praying for them intently.

I think that assignment was so scary for me because I was the youngest in my group. The women I was leading were much older than I and I felt like…what could I possibly say to them? And my Siswati is good but its not as fluent and deep as the women I teach. So I thought they would not understand me, and the message would not get through. But with God’s undying love for me and his plan for me…I DID IT. And it was and is an amazing experience.

I learn so much from my women’s group and I get so happy when at the end of a meeting, one or two will say “thank you for that scripture and just how you broke it down, I have read it so many times but never looked at it like that “or they say “thank you for giving us a place to share our heart and cry and pray and not feel alone.” If I had continued to be the busy bee I like to be, I wouldn’t have been in his will for moments like these. Thank you, God.

The second thing he did for me was take me out of my comfort zone

I love to work with young girls, and I had been working with girls before who were so obedient and grateful and absolutely the best to work with. But then God gave me an opportunity to work with a group of girls that were the exact opposite. They were angry, unwelcoming, ungrateful, they had attitude for days and they were tough to crack. There were many times I felt like giving up. These girls were girls who lived in an orphanage home. And they were seemed unmoved by all the people who worked hard for them and blessed them with food, clothing, school fees etc and I could not understand why. This was not the first orphanage or group of teens I had work with, but this was the most, well, different.

I started to ask God to help, to help me get through to them, to understand them first before pushing them or having expectations for them. I started by listening to them and some days I would spend 10 minutes just with one person because they did not feel like talking. And instead of trying to push to talk to them, I decided to push myself to show them I am not going anywhere. I started to take what ever time they would give me and use it wisely. After some months, I had one cry on my shoulder when I said to her “I am so sorry this is happened to you, because I know you may ask God, why me? Why did I have to have no mom or dad, why did my parents have to give me up, or pass away? And now I’m here, I watch my friends in school walking home to be with their families and I walk home with a group of other girls who may feel just as lost as I do.” When I said that to her… she dropped her head on my shoulder and sobbed. When she did that it felt like she was saying…you get it. I thank God for this different group of girls. They made me take my time and not rush. If I was still that “ can’t talk now, gotta girl” lady I once was, I would not have had the patience for them.

The last thing God did for me was take me out of what I know.

In a very weird turn of events, my husband and I ended up fostering a child. She was everything we did not know.

My little person, as I affectionately call her, was half Pakistan and Swati. She grew up in a Muslim family. She is 4 years old, and pure joy and adventure. Her mom was trying to fix her life after leaving an abusive relationship and she needed someone to take her child.

We have probably watched so many films, shows with this type of scenario but my husband and I never thought we would live it. We suddenly had to learn how to parent a child, when we had never been parents before. We have been role models and been influential in people’s life, but we had not been parents. We tried to do things the way we know them, bedtimes, eating schedules, play times…it was all a disaster that first month she was with us.

Our little person soon showed us, all she wanted was love. She was such an inclusive child, never wanting to play alone, or watch T.V alone. In the morning, she would jump out of her bed and jump on to mine and whether my eyes where closed or not she would say good morning and want to snuggle before breakfast. If my husband and I hugged she would run and squeeze herself in the middle of the two of us. We were blessed to learn so much from her, and her being with us, brought us closer together. We learned through her what team parenting was. While one cooks, the other baths the child we eat. While one plays with her, the other makes snacks. Going on a trip…we pack together and ensure we do not forget anything lol. We learned to see when one is overwhelmed and allow that person to have space by going for a walk with our little person. We also learned how to nurture the spiritual life of a child. That part was particularly important to us. We had the chance to impact and we did. God knew better than we ever could have known. He opened our eyes to the unexpected curveballs of life.

One thing I realised through of all this, was that it’s His world. Not ours. Just as we would want people to do things a certain way in our household, we need to find out what God wants us to do, for his world, his people and with his gift of time to us. We must be willing to let go of the things we know and just let him take you through life…moment by moment.

Even though sometimes unpredictable but I have to say, I’m having a lot of fun living life His way.