A Cry for Help

What am I missing?
Why do I feel the way I do?
Why does my heart burn profusely?
Why is it not coming from pursuing You?

Is something wrong
With the way I feel?
Is it something You placed in me?
Or is it to be locked away without appeal?

Lord, I am so lost,
With the yo-yo effects of emotion,
With my heart swaying in to and fro motion,
Because I think it comes from lack of devotion.

Why do I feel
Like I'm a hinderance of some sort?
A destiny grabber destined
To rip dreams a part?

Stay away from me.
I am no good.
Many think I'm amazing
But i'm afraid they've misunderstood.

This can't be healthy
The way that I feel.
These scars run deep
Deeper than grooves on a wheel.

Deeper than a worship song
That brings goosebumps on my skin.
Darker than a permanent mark
Like a tattoo or piercing.

Why do I feel inadequate?
Or hesitate like I'm a bother?
What was instilled in me
To make me think I'm less than a daughter?

Lord, what trees to cut down?
What roots to burn?
Is there something here to discern?
What exactly must I learn?

I pray that you will reveal.
I pray that you will heal.
For the deepest part of me
Is longing to be free.

I am so tired of this race;
I know I must go at your pace.

But I can't help but wonder
Do I hold myself back?
Or is my mind under Satan's attack?

But still I wait,
For my hope is in You.
Still I rise
Because the ordinary just won't do.

And I will fall
But that's ok too.
For it's all in the game
And never in vain pursuit.

Just as it's better to have loved and lost
Than to have never loved at all,
So it is better to struggle
Knowing that Christ sustains us when we fall.