Hope Dealer - The Beginnings
“I remember being on the playground in primary school and being confused by why I couldn’t be like the other children. All the other girls wanted to play with dolls and playhouse but I wanted to act out scenarios about how I could get rich.”
The only house I wanted to play was one where I lived in a multi-million dollar compound and my family had nothing to worry about. As a little girl my thoughts were consumed with trying to figure out just how I would take my family out of poverty. I actually remember once seriously contemplating prostitution as a possible avenue. Where I come from nothing is done for shock value, the things that occur are real life moments.
My thoughts of grandeur even from a young age were not for me they were for others. How can I help? How can I make it better? I find that our core purpose has a way of showing up when we are at our worst and when we are at our best. I want to take you on journey with me. One that if I am honest, I am a bit apprehensive to share but I feel at this juncture in my life it is necessary. This journey for me started when I was about 6 or 7 years old.
Now, I want to throw out a series of questions for us to think about as we journey together. How does a 6 or 7 year old know that they are disenfranchised at such an early age? How does a 6 or 7 year old know that they are being treated differently because they are not the same skin shade as their closest friends? How does a 6 or 7 year old know that based on where they live and who they are around becoming a prostitute or a glorified drug dealer is a very viable option for them? To many these questions or scenarios may seem implausible but I can assure that they are very plausible, as a matter of fact, I was that 6 or 7 year old.
I find that our core purpose has a way of showing up when we are at our worst and when we are at our best.
In my most formative years, I found myself not thinking of fairies or wanting to play dress up. In my most formative years, I found myself thinking of how I would get my “cake up".* Now, this makes me wonder if I journeyed through this, there must be others. I don’t think of myself as any special case, I however think that many who have travelled the same path and would have likely spoken up about it, are fearful of being judged or they are no longer this side of eternity. So again even in my twenties, I find a recurring theme presenting itself – thinking of others.
This past weekend I heard something that has been ringing in my mind ever since. I heard someone say that our Pain brings Gain. These were his (Pastor Bryan Kluth) exact words:
“Your greatest ministry in the life of others will usually come from your greatest pain, sorrow or suffering.”
I am inclined to agree with Pastor Kluth. His words brought me back to my first visit to Tanzania where I first started thinking of myself as a Hope Dealer. A Hope Dealer is someone who deals in or supplies hope. You see even though early on in my life I thought my best ambitions were probaby to become a dealer in worthless things, I have discovered that in fact what was happening was my purpose was speaking to me. At the time, I could only understand its language based on what I knew then but over the years, I have become more fluent in the language of purpose and I am ever so grateful for the Grace of Christ that has kept me to this point.
My next few posts will be surrounding my journey exploring what it means to be a Dealer of Hope. I hope to share my heart with you and invite your thoughts and comments as I take this journey.
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
* Cake Up - This is slang for saving or making a lot of money.