Feeling Undone

I feel so undone...

I try to find words to describe the way I feel but none seems to come.

My feelings they seem far from me.

I am wondering if that is a good thing because they often deceive me.

Lord, I don’t want to be fake you know I hate knock offs.

But Father lately I’ve been acting way off.

Fronting like I don’t want to spend time with you.

Behaving like you don’t reside in me too.

Rhyming isn’t my main objective right now.

I just need you to hear my heart.

I need you to see deep down.

I need you to see where I want to be and not where I am.

I need you to know that I never stopped loving you & I don’t even think I can.

Please tell me you are there, let me know you understand.

Because without you holding my hand I won’t be able to stand.

See I was grown before I was a child.

I did everything my way the best way I knew how.

Nobody but you knew what I was going through.

So I won’t pretend that you don’t have my back on this one too.

Believing that you love me, to me was unbelievable.

I just couldn’t see how it was possible.

So I did a lot of things in my strength. It almost cost me my life;

But once again you stepped in and paid the price.

They say once bitten makes a man twice shy.

The way I have been living doesn’t prove this right.

I am sorry for all the time I have wasted.

Lord, it all just seems hard now and I need you here to face it.