Am I Still Angry?

Am I still angry?

One can never tell.

But the grief I carry inside makes my pride swell.

Too proud to ever utter what’s bothering me.

I live in a world that only includes me.

The people that care about me don’t even understand me.

Not for the lack of trying, I guess I don’t want them to get inside me.

My head that is, I feel my thoughts belong to me.

And to share them with others would boost my insecurity.

I find security in knowing I am the only one that understands my thoughts.

The thought of losing such power is like Cuba telling Castro he is no longer the boss.

My thoughts hold me captive but I am the captain.

I say what boat sails and where I dock as long as I am still sane.

My heart tells my story like no one ever could.

Yet it is so deceitful at times, oh if they only understood.

Living my life is not as easy as some may think.

It’s hard being as messed up as I was and not see a shrink.

I could complain and that would last for hours may be even days.

But I choose to live above that because now I see some brighter days.

I hold on to those I choose to love for dear life.

If you are in my circle it remains that way for the rest of my life.

I love easily and can end up hating you in a split second.

The way my emotions work I don’t understand them but I know

I can be as ruthless as a Vulcan.

My thoughts have become my tyrant. I am my own prisoner.

How am I different from those in Sing or Alcatraz?

I’m different because I know the errors of my ways and I asked God to pardon me from my past.

My thoughts have made me live my life selfishly for years.

But I got through that tunnel of darkness with sincere prayers and some heartfelt tears.

A good friend of mine told me I needed to cry more.

She said to stop living like a dam she said I should let it pour.

And I did and it all felt so new to me.

I knew from then on, I would no longer be so angry.

I would be free, free to live, free to love and free to eternally be me.