Finding Hope in Uncertainty

Have you ever had a plan? A plan that you were so sure would become reality at certain point in time? But to your surprise and maybe even naivety that plan doesn’t work out at all? Did this make you feel a bit despondent? As if your entire life now laid in shambles and there would be no way out? Not necessarily because there was no way, but mainly because you could not see the way out? Did this uncertainty, this lack of hope paralyse you from moving forward?

For most of these questions my answer is a resounding yes. For me, the last five months have been riddled with uncertainty. I have found it extremely daunting to visualise what my future would look like because the plans that I had meticulously drawn up for my life after university had now taken rest in the land of uncertainty. How could the Dreamer possibly be dream-less or worst yet hopeless?

This past year has shown me a lot about the condition of my heart and has put into perspective many of my motives. I have learnt that a tuff girl, a guarded exterior is no match for ammunition curated for the heart. I have learnt that the disappointments of life cannot be compared to the Chesed of Jah that covers me. I have learnt that I can come back from shattered plans and stupid mistakes to my rightful place at the table. I have learnt the true meaning of the statement: “to err is human, to forgive is Devine” (Alexander Pope).

I am learning to be gentle with myself and to forgive myself when I overly rely on my own strength to make my dreams, my plans come to fruition. I have been able to come to grips with the fact that Uncertainty has been my arch nemesis from time. Relinquishing the facade of not needing to have control has been one of my most challenging feats to date. As the days continue to be gifted to me, I am realising that my Heavenly Father has already provided me with the weapon needed to overcome - hope.

I believe Hope has always been in my arsenal but it took my honest evaluation of my current circumstances for me to find it. I have heard it said that you don’t know how to be strong until being strong is your only option, with this same line of reasoning, I believe we don’t know the true value of Hope until its our only option.

Photo by Artem Sapegin on Unsplash