Living by an Inner Scorecard

I love music. Back in the day, gangster rap was everything. My favorite artist was Lil Wayne, and I loved all the Cash Money Millionaires. I was a big Big Tymers fan. Growing up in the ’90s, DMX and the Ruff Ryders? Yes. And 50 Cent? For sure. 50 was my guy. 21 Questions, anyone? Many Men? Come on!

One thing about gangster rap that has always stood out to me is this. There is always a battle. There is always beef. There is always comparison. When it is 50 Cent vs. Ja Rule, or Jay-Z vs. Nas, the question is always the same. Who had the harder verse? Who is better? Who is top five? Who is the greatest of all time?

I will not bore you with my list. Mine is probably right, but I will let you keep yours today.

But this week, I have been thinking about that whole idea of comparison.

I got some really great news this week. The kind of news most people would immediately celebrate. Post about. Make a big deal of.

But instead of celebrating, I found myself spiraling, even if only for about an hour.

And the spiral was not just disappointment. It was me going back into the past. Replaying things. Evaluating why I could not have done better. Why I was not better. Why something was not more.

After about an hour, it hit me.

Why am I doing this?

The news is good news. Why am I not celebrating it?

And that is when I realized something uncomfortable. I was still living by the world’s scorecard.

Growing up in the Caribbean, I think many of us share this experience. Whether you came from much or from little, the push was always the same. Be better. Be the best. Go big or go home. If you are not first, it is not really celebrated the same way.

That mindset was creeping in.

I was measuring a blessing against an invisible scoreboard that had been set for me.

I was immediately reminded of Mohnish Pabrai, an Indian American investor and founder of Pabrai Investment Funds, known for his disciplined value investing philosophy. I came across six principles that he lives by:

One of the ideas he emphasizes is this:

“Live by an inner scorecard. Don’t worry about what others think of you. Don’t be defined by external validation.”

When I first came across that principle, it meant so much to me that I literally printed it out and kept it somewhere I could see it. The idea of not being defined by external validation, of measuring your life internally rather than by applause, deeply resonated with me.

And yet, here I was re-engaging with the outer scorecard.

The expectations.
The you are meant for more.
The shouldn’t you be doing more.
The silent comparisons.

I found myself trying to validate past mistakes. Almost disqualifying myself from feeling like a winner because I was replaying what had happened before.

And it made me stop and ask, what is actually important?

That is when I was brought to Colossians 4:18.

“I, Paul, write this greeting in my own hand. Remember my chains. Grace be with you.”

Paul ends the letter by reminding them of his chains.

If Paul were in a rap battle, he won.

Why? Because here he is, in chains for the gospel, fully aware of his situation. He understands the cost of discipleship. He understands where he is. He understands why he is there. And he signs off not with self pity, not with comparison, but with clarity.

That is someone living by an inner scorecard.

That is someone who knows what actually matters.

By the world’s standards, chains look like failure. But Paul understood purpose. And when you understand purpose, even inconvenient circumstances do not shake you the same way.

Trying to live by someone else’s scorecard is exhausting work. It is crazy work, honestly. Because you do not control the rules. The goalposts move. The expectations increase. The bar keeps rising.

But when you know why you do what you do, when you are anchored in purpose, you can celebrate the small wins. You can receive good news as good news. And when inconveniences come, whatever their size, you still have perspective.

So I just want to invite you to pause and evaluate.

Are you living by your own inner scorecard?
Or are you living by one that someone else set for you?

Because if it is the latter, just know you do not control it. The rules will always change. The goalposts will always move.

And you will never feel like you have won.

But when you live from the inside out, when you measure your life by obedience, clarity, and purpose, even chains cannot steal your peace.

Photo by Homer Lopez on Unsplash