Honouring God with My Model, Moments and Seeing Mountains Move
In January and February of 2020, plans were spinning at a pace, that one year later brings curiosity as to how it was all feasible. The next ten months would be entirely unexpected; filled with loss and challenges never known before. Although the void of what once was, seemed to be expansive, it has also revealed our limited individual perception of potential, miracles, and opportunities in each present moment.
When the pandemic crossed continents and demonstrated caution for society, the shockwaves it sent through our lives would last longer and prove more complex than could be comprehended upon initial impact. Each person had a choice to respond to the challenges in three unique ways: paralysis, fleeing, or rising to the occasion with solutions. One could argue that these are not choices, but innate responses of coping especially as our self-control seemed to weaken at the weight of difficult circumstances.
In my own experience, there were moments I responded by fleeing from pain and seeking numbness through overindulging in food, exercise, or other substances. Other moments, I felt completely overwhelmed by the lack of future knowns and became paralyzed from action. Rising to challenges through problem solving and innovating seemed to where I chose to spend most of my energy. There is a theory that restraints foster creativity and that is exactly what happened during the pandemic, the problems to solve and innovations seemed to spur on ideas. At face value, this could be perceived as good, but it was not that simple.
The pandemic had created a heavy burden trying not to let down lay leaders God has entrusted me to lead and the vulnerable kids we serve through our fundraising efforts in my work. This would create a relentless pursuit of innovation and hard work to overcome any obstacle that came my way. Innovation can be a positive force, until you over complicate things. These factors created the perfect storm for over commitment and pressure of deadlines as my obsession to solve problems consumed me.
A few incidents revealed my obsession crossed a line that would have negative ramifications on my life and relationships if I didn’t take action. During my quiet time, I stumbled on John 15:5 and God gave me clear direction and reminders on how to proceed in this critical course correct. Tactically this had three parts that would shift my outlook and priorities:
1. Abide in God and make Him my top priority and source of discernment, especially in harsh seasons.
2. Live in my God-given identity as a child of God, recognizing that I am enough and stop trying to earn my worth. He has already chosen me and loves me.
3. Model my leadership and my life after the true vine, not letting my ambitions create an unruly plant with poor fruit. This means being strategic about the things that I need to cut off, prune back and let grow so that I can bear good fruit. Also, so I do not take away from the nourishment and development of other branches and potential fruit.
This wasn’t a switch I could flip, but rather lessons with opportunities to apply them moving forward. Later in the year, I was listening to a Podcast and heard a line that affirmed these lessons and brought me hope. The host said, “Balance isn’t the goal. Faithfulness is the goal. Being faithful to do the most important things in this season of life. Just because we say no now, doesn’t mean no forever. It just means no for this season of life.” My initial coping did not prioritize faith or the pursuit of being faithful, so these shifts changed everything as I intentionally decided to let go of the expectations of what once was and focus on the current moment and being faithful in each moment.
The challenges and loss didn’t taper throughout the year. Separation from family and friends, especially as they faced significant health challenges or losses of their own, made me feel weak. Trying to fundraise with half the number of participants for an event that was cancelled and balance progress towards future goals, seemed like impossible. However, as God has revealed to me years prior, he reminded me again of His words in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, when I’m weak then I’m strong, because Christ’s power works best in my weakness.
Surrendering to His strength and focusing on being faithful in each moment uncovered that 2020 was much more than loss, it was filled with endless opportunity for God’s glory to be revealed. Even when I initially underestimated what God was doing, now I see He moved mountain after mountain growing my faith. God truly expanded my view of what was possible in a season marked by loss.