An Intimate Reflection - 2012 Journal Entries written in Uganda
I first started to write this post in May 2020. At the time, I felt I needed to be reminded that I was further along than I thought. I also hoped that sharing this snapshot would give someone hope and faith to keep pushing forward.
I released a podcast series recently called The Perspectives Project. I chuckle writing this because in 2020 when i started writing this post, I had no idea that I would create a project that fits so perfectly with the below selected entries.
If you know me, you know how much Uganda means to me… I discovered purpose there.
11 May 2012
Abba,
We arrived on Jana today and I was drugged up on Dramamine of course but we all arrive safely nonetheless. I admit I did not get to enjoy the journey to the island because of my comatose state but I am glad I am here. On our journey here we encountered a wind by a name of ‘Ensisi’ basically it was a mini hurricane. The night was rough, rough bad. My entire sleeping bag ended up being soaking wet. My patience was truly tried and my heart’s prayer was that I didn’t disappoint you. You know whenever I get upset it’s hard to hide but by your grace and mercy I kept it together. I was given the task of teaching the women group and this was indeed a pleasure, we laughed and shared a lot together. Abba Father, I’m continually amazed by the strength you have placed in these women. Lord, I make myself available to be used by you as you please. We went for a walk to look at the caves where the people give actual sacrifices to their gods. On the way back my mind was bombarded by insecurities in how I looked, I realized how vain that was just as I entered the camp.
I’m in Sub Saharan in Africa where people live on a dollar a day, where malnutrition and starvation is a common cause of death. This isn’t to encourage me to wallow in my gluttony but it provided a lot of perspective, we get so caught up in your own little world that we miss what’s important. Back home we say “any day above ground is a good day” and I see the true meaning of this each day I’m here. My Ugandan brothers and sisters keep my humble. The laughter and joy of the kids I meet on day to day basis keeps me thankful. I have a tendency to miss the point, Lord I pray that for the time I have remaining here I don’t miss any points.
12 May 2012
Abba,
You have blessed me with yet another day thank you. It rained this morning and I think it was evidence of your love. You know we can come up with so many reasons and meaning behind the things that happen daily. This is my meaning today. I am learning that our perspectives matter. God I want to wholeheartedly thank you for all the grace you have bestowed upon me, truly you make me new. Abba help me to understand and feel how you feel when I belittled myself and get all insecure. Forgive me Lord.
Today I was charged with teaching the youths, honestly I was not sure what to expect at all but Holy Spirit showed up and showed out. God hearing the questions these young men asked showed just how much I am in myself lacking in knowledge of your word. Father I pray for earnest zeal to seek out the treasures that lie in your amazing love. Abba truly you know my heart and the fact that there is a lot I would love to do for your people here in this country.
I pray right now that you put my motives in check if it’s not about your glory then I want nothing to do with it. Teach me your patience and love, Father make my interactions with your people be one that show your love through and through. I got the opportunity to paint the nails of the women here I think it was a great way to show your thoughts of beauty towards them. This was very uncomfortable for me at first (the intimacy of it) but as I went on, I truly enjoyed it because the women were so thankful, I can see now that indeed it is the little things that matter.
13-14 May 2012
Abba, because of laziness I didn’t journal for Sunday but I would like to talk to you about it. Sunday I got up and I was really nervous, I’m insecure of my capabilities to please you and even myself, we had heavy rains again but it turned out okay because we were in the school building. The Service started out well and I enjoyed watching your people worship as I write this I’m realizing that this might not be as much for you as it is for myself….
Father, I thank you for being with me throughout the assignment, after the service I was humbled and astonished of how many people came for prayer. One lady had HIV and came for prayer to be healed. Lord I believe you can, not because of me but because of your love. Another lady called “Justine” came for prayer and then awhile after came back with 2000 dollars Ugandan shillings and a note, she said that she was blessed by the word and that she saw herself as my Mother.
Lord, I know that this is just the beginning; I am just not sure how to get myself in tuned with it all. Many came and were rededicated and three got saved including a Muslim, about six were baptised and about 3 babies were dedicated. Abba Father, my heart was melancholy when leaving because I could see in their eyes, in the eyes of some of the children just how much they were affected by us.
It has now been almost two days since we’ve been back and my eyes are still welling up with tears. Lord my heart gets so involved and so many times it seems uncontrollable. Abba there’s so much in my heart to do, so much I want to do. I was extremely blessed by the people of Jana as a matter of fact all of us were. May your presence always abide with them, thank you for journeying mercies and for the lovely night out at the Mediterranean-Italian restaurant.
Sometimes we just need to be reminded why we do what we do. Journalling has been a way for me to keep a record to remind me of my why when I get overwhelmed and I lose sight of the vision.
Whatever dream God has placed in your heart, keep working towards it. When it gets hard and you get distracted remember why you started.
If you don’t know why you started to begin with, ask God, He is waiting to reveal purpose to you.
Love Always
Da Dreama