Dis-Appointment

So I am on my way from Jamaica, sitting in the Norman Manley International Airport to be exact. The trip was one filled with many hopes and aspirations and if anyone knows me they know that these were probably pretty grand. You see, my heart is big and it kinda beats loud when it comes to helping others. However, in my streak to save the world I often forget that I need help too. I strut around in this hemisphere like I have a 'S' on my chest. The truth is I do, the the problem is sometimes I forget what the 'S' actually stands for. I was Saved in 2004 from myself and since then it's been a constant uphill battle to remain in that state. Why? Because I often try to be my own Savior. The S on my chest stands for Saved not Savior and whenever I get the two mixed up, I set myself up for a Dis-Appointment. The Shakespeare Youth Empowerment Program (TSYEP) is what brought me to Jamaica for two weeks. I thought I had everything planned to the tee but then again I am a bit of Perfectionist/Procrastinator. I like to think that I need to be inspired to move before I move. :) Either way I came with proposal in hand and a hopeful heart ready to inspire change. The week before I had contacted a number of big firms in Jamaica trying to garner sponsorships for the project. They were slow in coming back but just as i was starting to feel defeated I received a call from one of the firms I reached out to, JMMB. They informed me that the proposal was well written and that they would like to come on board with the initiative. This was a blessing because not only were they willing to contribute to the planned launch they were looking for a long term partnership with TSYEP. Two days before the proposed launch date of August 25th, 2012, I was brought to the unsettling news that I would not be able to launch the project because of some major miscommunication. Could you imagine how that must of felt? Let me be more specific. I took two weeks of work (my entire pro-rated vacation for the year); I was given a free ticket to come out and launch the program; and most of my support group back in Cayman was expecting news and pictures of a successful launch. I started to question whether or not this was supposed to be. Isn't crazy how even though we know that we know what we are doing is what we need to be doing the littlest hiccup can cause us to question the known?

Then almost as if heaven opened and comfort descended, I picked up my devotional for the day and Isaiah 30:15 - "In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength" was the encouragement for the day. This is major to me because a year ago when i was on my endeavor to get to Ghana and not seeing how, God used a woman that I will forever be thankful for Marlo Cookston Davis to encourage me through this same verse. Sometimes we tend to want things to workout right when we want it. Those of us who possess this trait tend to refer to ourselves as the people who make things happen. I am learning that the only control of the future I have is to live as much in the moment as iI possibly can. Our struggle to ensure our future is secure is sometimes futile as we really have little to no control over it. What we do have control of is what we have right now... right this minute. I have had to face many heart breaks in order to come to this conclusion and the truth is if I sit here and type that I fully understand and grasp this concept I would be lying through my fingers.

I know that the word disappointment has no dash usually. However, Dis-Appointment to me means the special appointment we have with God to remind us what that "S" on our chest really means. I am Saved and not the Savior. My actions toward those I come in contact with is only due to what the True Savior did for me over eight years ago. I had to come to Jamaica at this time because I had Dis-Appointment. (For those of you who are not familiar with the Jamaican Dialect - Patois, "Dis" is equivalent to "This". So translated, my Dis-Appointment is "This Appointment".) All we need to do when times get troubling and when we don't see how we will get through the day to sit still and be still. We need only to remember who we serve and who it is that gives us the strength to do what we do. Dis Appointment was to remind me "In quietness and in confidence I shall find strength".

Thank God I didnt miss it!!!

One Love,

Latoya